Thursday, September 30
A hundred memories in black and white.
I never dreamt of you in colour.
Our world had all the shades of grey I could have imagined,
But not a single hue of blue or pink.
I never wondered why.
They didn’t seem dull,
Those memories in black and white.
Afterall, what’s a rainbow when you have the pot of gold?
I never imagined perfection beyond this fairytale.
My prince, my champion, my only.
Yet someday even princesses must grow up.
Even glass slippers break, even legs fuse back to fins, before the story ends.
And our story has ended.
My knight, wear my favour on thy sword no longer, but seek thee thy true lady.
I am not she.
My prince, my knight, my past.
A hundred memories in black and white.
Someday I’ll see in colour.
Til then, I’ll burn my hundred memories in black and white.
Of you.
[i dreamt of a prince who'd sweep me off my feet. remember? and remember i said he had to be strong enough to carry me, cos i didn't want to hurt myself falling? haha. well. then i had another dream. let's not go into that, but let's say another dream is still a dream, still a crazy dream at that. well here's to that dream! we all wake up from dreams, you know.]
it must've been love.
5:27 pm
xoxo
been so confused lately. i don't know why. so tired. three weeks, and it's goodbye to my dearest class. i am honestly going to miss you. all the times we sang together. do you remember? i love how spontaneous we are. all that praying. it really helps, you know. makes me feel so good, to just hold hands in a circle and pray and pray and cry and know there's no judging. the way we hug for no reason. and act like we're in lower sec or smth. i love it that we aren't damned muggers like some people, and that we can have fun even while studying. there's never been a cold war. thank goodness something didn't carry over from 2e202. only the good things. and hey i think we left the muggers behind too. but now we've got to really study. of course not as crazily as certain people. that's madness. studying's our first duty, but 'just living is not enough'. we've got to live life. eat, sleep and be merry in between studying. but i believe there can be 6pters from our class.. yes? i believe it, believe in you. i know many of us can get our stars on the wall. i mean how many of us already got our 5 distinctions? *grins* eh i didn't say a1. sometimes it's nice to say distinction, okay? so.. no matter how stupid you feel sometimes, no matter how lousily you think you're doing, just believe. see how God has blessed us? take what you are given, and be grateful. tadahh. in the meantime keep praying, keep studying, and keep laughing. cos i love our laughter. =D and i love all of you! =D i'm so going to miss the happening back row.. *gets hanky ready* i'm never going to forget this, forget us, forget you.
as for the confused part. i can't ever remember the new timetable. and i sleep super early and wake up tired. i think i sleep too much. must try harder to keep awake i guess. i'm not sure whether i want to do arts or science in jc. seems my humance and science are of the same standard. and both are heavy. and i'm lazy regarding both. but humance uses more brains larh. but laziness isn't the reason why i choose triple. pride and fear of the unknown are what i remember. guess the second principle applies for jc. considering sa. it's far, but it's not as bad as *ahem* plus.. i think loads of us plan to go there? so we can go there, and as vank said.. have a whole new class, consisting of guess who.. 4e604! whoohoo! =D iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou =D but of course we know those are just dreams. it won't ever be. and stop glaring at me when i say i'm considering humance! i don't know what i want. well it doesn't matter now, might as well mug for o's. gosh i really pray i don't end up like some damned mugger. eek. what kind of memories would that leave..
p.s. i'm really thanking God for smth this prelims.. i got an a1 for lit again! like.. at last.. i was starting to feel utterly useless.. then tues morning.. my lit teacher walked past and told me i did very well for unseen. =D.. 22/25. hee. but king was pretty bad, no a1. so my humance was an a2. oh well. at least not f9 larh. i pray that for o's.. may God be merciful again! undeserving lazy wretch that i am. *knocks head* i think i stepped on some splinters and didnt realise it or smth. my toe kena infected. ouch.
it must've been love.
5:27 pm
xoxo
Monday, September 20
12/14 way through prelims. no, it's 15/17. amath and lit left. why do i feel no confidence? i never feel confident anyway. the mark of a failure. gah. oh i'm supposed to be positive about this. right. all right i love myself, i love my brain, i love my marks. sky theme from final fantasy is nice. although i haven't the faintest clue what the show's about. it doesn't matter. like forbidden love. =D the music says everything. my guess: there's some romance, some bittersweetness, some love, some pain. that pretty much sums up life anyway. this past month or so.. i've been so confused. more so than usual. everything just seems so crazily messed up. studies studies studies. it can drive a person mad, you know? i bet you know. look at us. all of us. i know i'm being unreasonable, i'm never nice to anyone anymore, and strangely enough it's so hard to give a damn. but i have to try. the less i give a damn about life, about the people around me, the less sensitive my lit becomes. so the pragmatic side of me shall prevail, and on the account of half my combined humanities, i shall care enough not to be so blunt and insensitive. i really am heartless. or have i always been this way? i don't write anymore. there's nothing to write about. for el prelims i wrote about a psychotic girl who hates red. well i'm not psychotic, and i although i dislike red, i dislike doing laundry even more, so i couldn't have been writing about my soul. but. she hated red the way i hate cockroaches and lizards. the panic, the overwhelming need to destroy it before it destroys you. crazy fool that i am. we're shopping for prom on wed after lit. so what if people will see us and think we're horrid slackers. some people need to breathe! if our brains were skeletal muscles, there'd be a huge oxygen debt already, we're running overtime. yet strangely enough, i'm at peace with myself. to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. i refuse to do nothing, say nothing, and much less be nothing. so. critique away, and may the devil care! because i'm beyond caring. from this day til 19nov, there will only be 3 things i will care about. God. yes, God, the only person who makes me whole. to whom i owe any peace i find. then studies and relationships. studies, because that's my first duty. and my friends and family cos we all need each other. yet i know even without them, even without anything, and everything, as long as there is God, i'll be okay. i'll still be whole. but if i place everything else above him, no matter what else i try to add, i will never be complete. like the rocks in the jar. you dont put in the little stuff first. may we all be content with what we recieve, because we reap what we sow. and frankly i've been sowing rocks. so.. if i reap a weed, yeah, okay, better than nothing. i'll just be late for sch everyday if i go to poly. wouldn't be able to find my clothes, you know. haha. kidding. or maybe not.
it must've been love.
5:33 pm
xoxo
